Motherhood

Here I am sitting in bed next to a snoozing lil P and I wonder how I came to this point in my life.

How quickly time has flown by and how much of a whirlwind it has been since finding out I was pregnant, giving birth and bringing him back to Jakarta at a mere 6 weeks of age.

I ask myself, how much have I accomplished? What have I accomplished? Is this what I expected my life to be?

It is difficult to scrutinize oneself and even more difficult to do so now that I am responsible for another being.

Before being a mother my life was simple, I answered to no one but myself. Perhaps it is a selfish but you've got to admit that married or not we would rarely think of consequences be it good or bad. Decisions were generally made based on the lesser of two evils. Sacrifice wasn't part of the equation should it be helped. But most of all the first person to be pleased would be ourselves.

Now as a mother I find greater meaning and clarity in the word sacrifice, I act and decide only for my child irregardless of the affect or toll it might take on me.

I do not measure my life by tangible accomplishments or monetary value but rather I measure it by the smile on my sons' face, his laughter and his accomplishments. 

In short, I live through my child and await the many life lessons he will undoubtedly teach me.