Every mother at some point in time would need help, either via family, relatives or hired help. Especially in Asia where hired help comes at an affordable rate. My question is, how far into your life would you allow your hired help to help?
I grew up with a Fillipino maid all my life. They (3 within 19 years) were all educated and chose to work abroad mainly for the higher income. After many years, especially the first maid who was with us for 10 years, she became family. I do wonder where she is now. After she left we did keep in touch via the occasional letters but as years passed the communication dwindled down.
Now that I am back living in Asia, having maids isn't a luxury any longer but a necessity. It also does help that labour in Indonesia is fairly cheap.
When I fell pregnant and up until a couple of weeks ago we only agreed to have maids and no nannies. Reason is simple, with maids doing the washing, cooking and cleaning, hiring a nanny would then defeat the purpose of me being a stay at home mum! I didn't want to be a Mum who looked on from afar, I treasure my time with P and strongly believe the first few years of life creates an unbreakable bond. Not to mention that I am in a lucky position where one income is enough (for now that is).
Fast forward to the present and I now have a nanny. We finally have bowed down to familial pressure since having a nanny/suster is a norm within Indonesian families. Not to mention P is now highly mobile and is extremely attached to me. I personally reckon that he has extreme separation anxiety!
Our nanny/suster hasn't given us any problems so far, just a few minor teething issues. She's actually very helpful, initiative, willing to help clean up the house and catches on really quick. If anything, the problem is me! I don't know how to use a nanny! I'm so used to doing everything on my own it's strange to have someone following me around.
Therefore I ask, how much should I let her help? How much can I trust her?
I see my Indonesian friends with their nannies and it somehow is second nature to them.
I do wonder, how long will it take for me to get used to having a nanny. P definitely isn't used to her yet and is still very wary. Although I do hope that having a nanny would help P with his separation anxiety! My new motto should be, while I still have the chance I should just milk all the help I can get before moving back to Sydney!
Wednesday, 27 April 2011
Tuesday, 26 April 2011
Of Birthdays & Parties
P is fast approaching 1 and I found myself in a limbo as to how I would celebrate his birthday.
Honestly, I would much prefer the good old fashion house parties. Where mothers cooked and baked cakes for their children. The kids would be running amok high on chocolates, lollies and adrenalin. Us parents would be sitting around enjoying the home cooked fried bihun with curry chicken while yelling out to our kids every so often to share, slow down and/or behave!
I could still do that but unfortunately our home isn't very suitable for kids parties. Imagine a narrow 3 story townhouse, them imagine the kids climbing up the stairs with us parents chasing after!
I am also not very inclined to the Indonesian styled birthday parties where event organizers, decorators, clowns, emcees etc are hired. It just doesn't appeal to our little family, not to mention the crazy amount it would cost us.
Then of course, there's the guest list. Hubby has a huge huge hugeeee family. Relatives from his side would come up to 80!
So, what is the answer? Have not one but two parties!
One organized by us at a play land P frequents. I get to invite his playgroup friends, relatively smallish party, more personal and doesn't cost an arm and a leg.
Then the next day we will have the whole Indonesian styled party at my in-laws, which also coincides with my sister in laws birthday. This way everyone is happy!
However, the one thing I am sticking to for the two parties. Absolutely NO GIFTS. Those who attend would be asked for cash donations instead, all proceeds will go to the many many needy children in orphanages and those living in slums of Jakarta. It is the least I can do to help and all the money spent on the parties will generate much needed funds for those less fortunate.
I am hoping that I will be able to do this every year. My little pledge to the society each year my son grows older. In future, I hope that this will in turn teach my son the beauty of sharing and giving to the less fortunate. Especially living in a country such as Indonesia where poverty is rife.
Come next year do nip me in the bum should I forget about this pledge!
Honestly, I would much prefer the good old fashion house parties. Where mothers cooked and baked cakes for their children. The kids would be running amok high on chocolates, lollies and adrenalin. Us parents would be sitting around enjoying the home cooked fried bihun with curry chicken while yelling out to our kids every so often to share, slow down and/or behave!
I could still do that but unfortunately our home isn't very suitable for kids parties. Imagine a narrow 3 story townhouse, them imagine the kids climbing up the stairs with us parents chasing after!
I am also not very inclined to the Indonesian styled birthday parties where event organizers, decorators, clowns, emcees etc are hired. It just doesn't appeal to our little family, not to mention the crazy amount it would cost us.
Then of course, there's the guest list. Hubby has a huge huge hugeeee family. Relatives from his side would come up to 80!
So, what is the answer? Have not one but two parties!
One organized by us at a play land P frequents. I get to invite his playgroup friends, relatively smallish party, more personal and doesn't cost an arm and a leg.
Then the next day we will have the whole Indonesian styled party at my in-laws, which also coincides with my sister in laws birthday. This way everyone is happy!
However, the one thing I am sticking to for the two parties. Absolutely NO GIFTS. Those who attend would be asked for cash donations instead, all proceeds will go to the many many needy children in orphanages and those living in slums of Jakarta. It is the least I can do to help and all the money spent on the parties will generate much needed funds for those less fortunate.
I am hoping that I will be able to do this every year. My little pledge to the society each year my son grows older. In future, I hope that this will in turn teach my son the beauty of sharing and giving to the less fortunate. Especially living in a country such as Indonesia where poverty is rife.
Come next year do nip me in the bum should I forget about this pledge!
Monday, 28 March 2011
Communication & Play in a Family
What I love about the Internet is the availibility of wonderful articles at your fingertips.
Mum sent me this article from SMH entitled Let Babies Learn in Their Own Good Way.
Being a couch potato society we are all guilty of spending too much time on our iPads, mobile phones, computers and television. It is even easier to prop a crying baby in front of a tv and baby will be mesmerized by the colorful flashes. Gone were the days where families sat around having proper conversations. Most kitchens/dining rooms are now all fitted with a tv. Not to mention every room would have Internet connection where a laptop, pc and tv are all hooked up.
As parents, we have a duty to create communication within the family.
Communication does not only mean bonding but it creates a lifetime of trust, understanding, acceptance, confidence, tolerance and patience. All qualities needed to mould a wholesome individual.
Sparing an hour a day for your child might be all it takes to create a well-balanced and confident person.
Mum sent me this article from SMH entitled Let Babies Learn in Their Own Good Way.
Being a couch potato society we are all guilty of spending too much time on our iPads, mobile phones, computers and television. It is even easier to prop a crying baby in front of a tv and baby will be mesmerized by the colorful flashes. Gone were the days where families sat around having proper conversations. Most kitchens/dining rooms are now all fitted with a tv. Not to mention every room would have Internet connection where a laptop, pc and tv are all hooked up.
As parents, we have a duty to create communication within the family.
Communication does not only mean bonding but it creates a lifetime of trust, understanding, acceptance, confidence, tolerance and patience. All qualities needed to mould a wholesome individual.
Sparing an hour a day for your child might be all it takes to create a well-balanced and confident person.
Saturday, 26 March 2011
Infant Sleep Training - Is it necessary?
If you think about it, isn't it rather bizarre to sleep train an infant? Sleep comes naturally to all things living. So, why is it that sleep training came about?
My lil boy has never been sleep trained and only recently has he willingly decided to sleep in the comforts of his own bed. When it happened, I then remembered what it felt like to roll around in my sleep and not have to wakeup with a sore arm or neck the next morning!
I have never been a fan of co-sleeping but it was the only way I could ever get a proper nights sleep and successfully breastfeed P. There were many nights I lay wondering when I would get my "bed independence" back, some people even told me that it would go on for 2 years or more! So imagine my surprise when P decided that he too required his own "bed independence".
Having said that, I am a strong believer that babies will learn in due course. As a modern society we are too caught up with competition and expectations that we forget babies are babies afterall.
Below is an excerpt from the Australian Breastfeeding Association regarding sleep training. An interesting read that prompted this short post.
Why do we never ask 'Is it safe for babies to sleep alone?'
Many parents are encouraged to train their babies to sleep through the night alone; however, current scientific research demonstrates that babies are at greater risk when they sleep alone.
'Science does not support our current culturally based ideas of "normal" infant sleep - where solitary infant sleep without breastfeeding is thought to be normal or desirable. Most families will, and do, respond to infants' individual needs. Training infants to sleep through the night alone, and at an early age, goes against the infant's neurobiology and psychology. Babies need to be close to an adult and to feed frequently', says Dr James McKenna, who is the Edmund P. Joyce C.S.C. Endowed Chair in Anthropology at the University of Notre Dame.
Having pioneered the first physiological studies he is recognised as one of the world's leading authorities on mother-infant co-sleeping, in relationship to breastfeeding and SIDS risk factors. In acknowledgement of his scientific work in the field of SIDS, infant sleep and breastfeeding research he was inducted as a Fellow into the American Association for the Advancement of Science in 2008, an honour accorded a small percentage of America's top scientists.
Dr McKenna goes on to say: 'Sleep training is a recent western innovation completely and unnecessary and comes from a western-industrial view that "normal" healthy infants should sleep throughout the night after 3 or 4 months. The questions is not whether they can, but whether they should, or be forced to. They shouldn't. They need to feed frequently to supply nutrients to a brain trying to grow and expanding at a speed never again to be matched throughout the infants' life. The first year of life is not meant for sleeping alone. At least three epidemiological studies at least show that infants should never sleep outside the company of a supervising, committed adult'.
My lil boy has never been sleep trained and only recently has he willingly decided to sleep in the comforts of his own bed. When it happened, I then remembered what it felt like to roll around in my sleep and not have to wakeup with a sore arm or neck the next morning!
I have never been a fan of co-sleeping but it was the only way I could ever get a proper nights sleep and successfully breastfeed P. There were many nights I lay wondering when I would get my "bed independence" back, some people even told me that it would go on for 2 years or more! So imagine my surprise when P decided that he too required his own "bed independence".
Having said that, I am a strong believer that babies will learn in due course. As a modern society we are too caught up with competition and expectations that we forget babies are babies afterall.
Below is an excerpt from the Australian Breastfeeding Association regarding sleep training. An interesting read that prompted this short post.
Why do we never ask 'Is it safe for babies to sleep alone?'
Many parents are encouraged to train their babies to sleep through the night alone; however, current scientific research demonstrates that babies are at greater risk when they sleep alone.
'Science does not support our current culturally based ideas of "normal" infant sleep - where solitary infant sleep without breastfeeding is thought to be normal or desirable. Most families will, and do, respond to infants' individual needs. Training infants to sleep through the night alone, and at an early age, goes against the infant's neurobiology and psychology. Babies need to be close to an adult and to feed frequently', says Dr James McKenna, who is the Edmund P. Joyce C.S.C. Endowed Chair in Anthropology at the University of Notre Dame.
Having pioneered the first physiological studies he is recognised as one of the world's leading authorities on mother-infant co-sleeping, in relationship to breastfeeding and SIDS risk factors. In acknowledgement of his scientific work in the field of SIDS, infant sleep and breastfeeding research he was inducted as a Fellow into the American Association for the Advancement of Science in 2008, an honour accorded a small percentage of America's top scientists.
Dr McKenna goes on to say: 'Sleep training is a recent western innovation completely and unnecessary and comes from a western-industrial view that "normal" healthy infants should sleep throughout the night after 3 or 4 months. The questions is not whether they can, but whether they should, or be forced to. They shouldn't. They need to feed frequently to supply nutrients to a brain trying to grow and expanding at a speed never again to be matched throughout the infants' life. The first year of life is not meant for sleeping alone. At least three epidemiological studies at least show that infants should never sleep outside the company of a supervising, committed adult'.
Saturday, 12 March 2011
Crossroads
Our time in Sydney is drawing to an end. We have thoroughly enjoyed the 1.5months we have been here and P has achieved plenty within this short time. Which, makes me wonder if it is the environment that has allowed him this advantage or is it simply due to his age.
This trip has opened up crossroads for our family. We are happy in Sydney but there's no income here. The environment and education for P in Sydney is a far cry from what we can obtain in Jakarta. How would we weigh the pros and cons?
I do wonder how other families manage situations like these.
Which has led me to the question. Are you a wife or mother first? How do you juggle the two intertwined roles?
Do we separate and evaluate it differently? How do we be great mothers without leaving out the husbands? These roles require meticulous juggling.
Perhaps this is why traditionally the men are the breadwinners and women are homemakers. It maybe a very old fashion view but it worked. There was no boundary to cross and without having to negotiate, argue and be offended things worked, to a certain extent. But in this day and very expensive age, it is not ideal. It is funny how we have come so far in modern technology but traditionalism is still rooted in us.
Is this the reason why people are putting off marriage and divorce statistics growing?
How do we begin to decide when and how we should move back?
Do we place money above our childs' future or do we place our believe that his future will be the saviour & answer to our (hubbys) sacrifice? I am however, leaning towards the later.
This trip has opened up crossroads for our family. We are happy in Sydney but there's no income here. The environment and education for P in Sydney is a far cry from what we can obtain in Jakarta. How would we weigh the pros and cons?
I do wonder how other families manage situations like these.
Which has led me to the question. Are you a wife or mother first? How do you juggle the two intertwined roles?
Do we separate and evaluate it differently? How do we be great mothers without leaving out the husbands? These roles require meticulous juggling.
Perhaps this is why traditionally the men are the breadwinners and women are homemakers. It maybe a very old fashion view but it worked. There was no boundary to cross and without having to negotiate, argue and be offended things worked, to a certain extent. But in this day and very expensive age, it is not ideal. It is funny how we have come so far in modern technology but traditionalism is still rooted in us.
Is this the reason why people are putting off marriage and divorce statistics growing?
How do we begin to decide when and how we should move back?
Do we place money above our childs' future or do we place our believe that his future will be the saviour & answer to our (hubbys) sacrifice? I am however, leaning towards the later.
Wednesday, 9 March 2011
The Power of Play - Infants & Toddlers
I do get asked by many friends why I fill Ps days up with activities. Many (mainly Asians) wonder why I even bother and they always retort "He's too young to understand". Well, I am adamant and cast the comments aside because I truly and deeply believe that whatever I am doing for P now is in his best interest. It's pretty tiring organizing activities around a baby, so no it's not that I am a bored SAHM that I do it, it is because I am a SAHM that I have the luxury to research and attend activities with P.
Apologies as I digress, as this blog post is about the power of play.
I am no expert in this matter, I am purely a mother to a busy 9 month old who likes to read up when her baby is asleep. So, please do not take my ramblings as scientific research. I am open to comments and opinions on this matter.
Play, what is it and why is it important?
To understand this, we have to get back to basics. Do you remember your childhood? What were your favourite moments? I am certain that everyones answer to this would consist some form of
play, be it running down the school corridor, hopscotch, skipping rope, learning to ride a
bicycle or even naughtier and more dangerous antics we found ourselves entangled up in.
Now then, where did we learn how to play? Why is it that babies have such a huge array of toys?
We as a society have completely forgotten and taken for granted the basic most crucial and vital part of our humanity. P-L-A-Y!
It is engrained in us. Playing and playfulness leads to much fun and laughter. Why is it then that infants and toddlers aren't given enough play time?
Play in infant stimulates the brain in more ways than one. It helps them learn to share, builds imagination, refine gross motor skills, explore possibilities, problem solving, encourage creativity, gain independence, introduce social skills and so much more.
With so many positives surrounding play, why do parents still keep their children indoors? It is mind boggling! Parents, I encourage and implore you to start bringing your infants out. Create a local playgroup if this doesn't exist in your area. Don't worry about flashcards and other paraphernalia that supposedly catapults your childs intelligence. Without creativity and an independent mind, academic intelligence is naught.
Even us as adults shouldn't forget the importance of play. Everyone needs time out and laughter. Now that you are done reading this post, get off your seat and flex your mind with play!
Apologies as I digress, as this blog post is about the power of play.
I am no expert in this matter, I am purely a mother to a busy 9 month old who likes to read up when her baby is asleep. So, please do not take my ramblings as scientific research. I am open to comments and opinions on this matter.
Play, what is it and why is it important?
To understand this, we have to get back to basics. Do you remember your childhood? What were your favourite moments? I am certain that everyones answer to this would consist some form of
play, be it running down the school corridor, hopscotch, skipping rope, learning to ride a
bicycle or even naughtier and more dangerous antics we found ourselves entangled up in.
Now then, where did we learn how to play? Why is it that babies have such a huge array of toys?
We as a society have completely forgotten and taken for granted the basic most crucial and vital part of our humanity. P-L-A-Y!
It is engrained in us. Playing and playfulness leads to much fun and laughter. Why is it then that infants and toddlers aren't given enough play time?
Play in infant stimulates the brain in more ways than one. It helps them learn to share, builds imagination, refine gross motor skills, explore possibilities, problem solving, encourage creativity, gain independence, introduce social skills and so much more.
With so many positives surrounding play, why do parents still keep their children indoors? It is mind boggling! Parents, I encourage and implore you to start bringing your infants out. Create a local playgroup if this doesn't exist in your area. Don't worry about flashcards and other paraphernalia that supposedly catapults your childs intelligence. Without creativity and an independent mind, academic intelligence is naught.
Even us as adults shouldn't forget the importance of play. Everyone needs time out and laughter. Now that you are done reading this post, get off your seat and flex your mind with play!
Monday, 24 January 2011
Infant Swim Lessons - Water Familiarization
P had his first swim lesson over the weekend, very exciting for us parents but not for him! He cried and made it known he was not happy for half the lesson and was clinging on to a toy for dear life. Not allowing me to put it away when I was changing him too!
The next day I decided to bring him swimming again, lo and behold he launched in on his own paddling towards a ball we had thrown in. So, here is my summation of babies and swimming.
1. They learn fast but forget just as quickly.
2. Everyone can swim, we are only hindered by fear.
3. Attitude of accompanying parent in the water is important as he/she is the main support.
4. Talking and singing helps a LOT.
5. Prepare lots of balls, squeaky toys and noodles.(where can I find swim noodles in Jakarta?)
6. Start swim lessons young before 6 months if possible. (not easy when in Jakarta)
7. A heated pool is a luxury.
8. Go swimming once a week at the very least.
9. Throw out those floaties! They restrict movement.
10. Make it fun for both parent and child.
There was a 6 month old who could freely swim on his own and willingly went underwater too. It was simply amazing to watch.
Lets hope that P will be able to do so within the next few months!
The next day I decided to bring him swimming again, lo and behold he launched in on his own paddling towards a ball we had thrown in. So, here is my summation of babies and swimming.
1. They learn fast but forget just as quickly.
2. Everyone can swim, we are only hindered by fear.
3. Attitude of accompanying parent in the water is important as he/she is the main support.
4. Talking and singing helps a LOT.
5. Prepare lots of balls, squeaky toys and noodles.(where can I find swim noodles in Jakarta?)
6. Start swim lessons young before 6 months if possible. (not easy when in Jakarta)
7. A heated pool is a luxury.
8. Go swimming once a week at the very least.
9. Throw out those floaties! They restrict movement.
10. Make it fun for both parent and child.
There was a 6 month old who could freely swim on his own and willingly went underwater too. It was simply amazing to watch.
Lets hope that P will be able to do so within the next few months!
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